so you think on-line dating is for losers?

When in a typical conversation among young, single, awesome people, somebody mentions the typical belief that on-line dating is for people who can't succeed in the real world and that he would never want to hook up with somebody so desperate to try on-line dating, I would normally just take the remark as something often heard before and that also makes sense.
But since our conversation continued to be about dating and then I was left with the homework of evaluating dating applications on Facebook, I got to thinking about this obvious statement and soon realized that, in fact, it is totally wrong!
Believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, on-line dating can actually be much harder than making a move in the real world! Of course this depends a lot on somebody's situation in life, but in many situations (and especially in school and at university) there are lots of opportunities off-line and getting to know people is much easier. Basically you can talk with anybody about anything and they will be nice to you and enjoy talking. Even better, you can mostly hang out in groups, never have to stay alone with somebody you are feeling shy towards, so that when you are suddenly out of things to say, there won't be awkward silence. Also, you can do lots of fun activities with friends (and acquaintances who you want to be friends with) and while everybody is happy enjoying the activity, you slowly and gently get to know each other.
Compare this to on-line dating: most people you meet will judge you as a potential date and compare you to hundreds of others out there. As a consequence, at least half the people you'll contact will simply ignore you! (I am telling it from a male point of view, females have other issues to face, but on top of that, sometimes get ignored, too!)
Talking in the real world is just talking from person to person, but in an on-line dating communication everything you say is judged according to your opposite's desires for a date (which often are contradictory in themselves, making it impossible to comply) and if you don't meet a certain threshold, they'll just politely tell you so, and you are not supposed to ever talk to them again. Sometimes the same already happens just because they've met somebody more promising (who they'll maybe also stop contacting after a very short while). On-line dating sites have this aura of catalog shopping for people and that often hurts.
But this is not to say, that it on-line dating can't be fun. After all, there are some relaxed people out there, who are truly interested in meeting other people first and let romantic interest (or friendship) grow by itself. On-line dating can be great for people who like to chat on-line (for example because they are not as good at face to face conversation with strangers), it can also be great for people who prefer one-on-one outings to the movies, theatre, or events with new people.

Finally, to get back my original point, it's true that there are some desperate people on dating sites, but believe it or not I have also met desperate women in the off-line world. After all, it's just a matter of preference and life-style.

Disclaimer: I will not say here, how much experience with on-line dating I have, nor for what purpose I have done it (finding love, making friends, curiosity about this new means of social interaction or whatever other reason you can imagine). Suffice it to say, that I enjoy a lot learning about people's thoughts and ways, and I have learned a lot on-line as well as off-line. And I am still learning. Comments welcome!

we always knew it

study report: http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/Group/BussLAB/pdffiles/mere%20presence.pdf

quote: Men’s and women’s mate preferences impose on each a unique set of adaptive problems that must be solved when judging the desirability of prospective mates. One potentially revealing source of information about an individual’s desirability as a romantic partner is con-
tained in the decisions made by same-sex others. The present studies predicted that men’s and women’s desirability assessments would be affected in opposite ways when target persons were depicted with members of the target’s opposite sex. Study 1 (N = 847) documented that women rated men more desirable when shown surrounded by women than when shown alone or with other men (a desirability enhancement effect). In sharp contrast, men rated women less desirable when shown surrounded by men than when shown alone or with women (a desirability diminution effect). Study 2 (N = 627) demonstrated similar sexually divergent effects for estimates of the desirability of same-sex competitors.